Therapy

My post last week about anger got me thinking about therapy, how it’s used and how it’s portrayed/memed about. What I think about it might come across as shocking.

Therapy isn’t the answer to everything.

Put down the torches and pitchforks for a moment and hear me out. I’m not saying therapy is useless or that it should be avoided, just that we should stop seeing it as the be all end all for mental health.

For some people it’s near to useless as their brain chemistry is wonky and all the coping mechanisms in the world won’t help much but little bit of pharmacology will. Telling people suffering from chemical imbalances that all they need is therapy could influence them away from seeking the medical care they actually need and delay their improvement drastically, and unfortunately not all therapists are able to pick up on the signs their patients might need medication.

Additionally, neurodiverse people exist and therapy won’t change them. At best it could give them coping mechanisms to deal with how society treats them, but until we actually change our society to remove the barriers for neurodiverse and disabled people, therapy is at best a band-aid solution.

This brings up another common meme I see about “men need to get into therapy to deal with their issues”. Okay, I know this sentiment is coming from a place of hurt from a lot on non-men people but for the love of whatever gods you pray to stop saying this.

Therapy would help some men but only those who are ready for it, and it ignores that a lot of the issues men face are systemic rather than individual. You can mandate therapy for boys all you want but it won’t stop the flood of patriarchal images they absorb on a daily basis. Therapy places the onus on the individual rather than the system in place.

Additionally, and this is anecdotal I admit, but I’ve met men who were in therapy and to be honest they were still deeply flawed individuals who were capable of great cruelty and betrayal. Therapy didn’t “fix” them and in one case he knew exactly what he needed to do and what to say to his therapist but never actually applied those lessons and used charm to get away with whatever he wanted and pouted when called out on his bullshit.

No, therapy isn’t always the answer it’s often portrayed as. It can be a useful tool and an aid in becoming our best self but it isn’t a panacea that can fix all of society’s problems. True change, structural change, can only come about when we combine the journey to becoming our best self with an effort to aid our communities. This can take many different forms and there’s a bountiful number of ways we can improve not just ourselves but the world around us, some small and some large, but all of them part of creating a better life for everyone.

With or without therapy I ask you to do what you need to heal yourself and the people around you. It’s on us to shape this world into something fairer and happier.